I wrote these words when Nathan was about a week old:
Before I became a mother, I had
all of these ideas and opinions about how I would raise my children. Becoming a mother changes everything. Suddenly all the things you used to be so
sure were “the right way to do things” seem an acceptable compromise at
best. There are so many different
philosophies of parenting and child-rearing that make it extremely difficult to
know what the best thing is. To make matters worse, it makes it so much harder
to trust my own intuition because I’m constantly second-guessing my decisions
and responses.
Now that I am several
weeks wiser and more experienced as a parent-those of you with years of
experience will laugh at me for wording it in that way-I feel very
differently. Yes, I still agree that
having children of your own is a game-changer and brings about an upheaval of
your preconceived ideas of parenting. I
also still agree that there is no “right way” of doing things. Every child is different, and every parent is
different, and parents can only do their best to blend their intuition with
good research and information to respond to their child. What I mean is that the overwhelming sense
that I was doing everything wrong has passed.
In its place has settled a well-placed scepticism of all parenting
styles and a confidence that I am Nathan’s mother and no one knows better than
I how to take care of him. Yes, I still
wonder if I’m making mistakes as a parent, and undoubtedly I am, but I feel
sure that I am doing more right than wrong.
There is wonder and confidence in knowing the difference between my son’s
fussy cry and his “something is wrong” cry.
I feel so privileged and blessed everyday to know that I know these intimate
little things about him that others don’t. When I look at his little face, I
find such joy in knowing that I am going to get to watch him grow up and be
able to look back at these moments like they were yesterday. Everyone says the time flies, and I know the
last month has flown by far too fast for my comfort. There are definitely struggles and trials in
these early days of learning how to parent, and sometimes I do still feel
overwhelmed, but I am keenly aware that I know my son more than anyone else on
earth, and I feel honoured to have that place in his life.
The many faces of Nathan-the early days:
5 days old- milk coma face
7 days-cranky face
7 days-fishy face
8 days-sucking thumb
9 days-chilling in the carseat, on the way to the doctor
9 days-smiling
11 days-confused face
11 days-satisfied tummy napping face
18 days-ooo face
18 days-yawning face
19 days-sleeping on Ani Hannah
26 days-concentrating on colored rings
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